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A Letter To My Younger Self

If you could go back in time, would you change anything? I feel like that is a statement we often use "I wish I would have...." "I wish I didn't". It haunts us sometimes. I have spent years thinking and pestering over decisions I have and haven't made. I have been so hard on myself at times.

Since I met Payton, I realized that I wouldn't change a thing. If things didn't happen the way they did, I never would never have met him, I wouldn't have found this amazing love, and I possibly could be without my sweet family. The decisions that I made have led to some really tough lessons, but they were lessons that had to be learned to get to where I am. 

Even though I wouldn't change a thing, I wish I could have a letter from older me, guiding me on some things. So here goes guys. 

Dear Laura,

I know life has been hard on you, but always remember who you are and where you came from. Don't stress so hard on earning your father's love, in the end, he won't be there for you. Taking everything to heart is something you will always do and trying to find the love he didn't give you will end in a lot of heartache. Your strength will get you through the times, but many tears will still fall. 
Moving from a large city to a small town may be scary, but it will be worth it. In the small town, you will meet the friends who stand by your side for a lifetime, learn your love of horses and make some of your favorite memories. 

As a child, you and your dad will be close, but as you grow older, your bond will fade and eventually disappear as you grow into adulthood. Don't let the hurt emotions rule your decision making. Hold tight to the memories he gave you and character he gave you, they mean so much throughout your life and will come into play as an adult and when you find real love. 

Preteen Laura will have some tough lessons. Eighth grade is full of bullying and you will take it with you for a long time. You will learn that being friends with popular kids is not fun and when some are jealous of you, they will go to any extent to hurt you. I am sure some of them are still huge bitches, so let it go. Don't let it make you feel so self conscious throughout life. Also, this is when you hurt your hip in cheer. Go to the doctor, don't tough out the pain. A hip replacement in your 30's will be the result. 

Teenager Laura is a nightmare. Drinking and partying is super unnecessary, give it a break ok? You are so smart and drop all of your honors classes and eventually school, please don't go down that path. This is when you give up on something that will haunt you through life, riding horses. Don't do it. Your talent is a once in a lifetime talent, don't let it go to waste. You will ALWAYS regret this decision. 

And teenage Laura, don't be so hard on your mom. Someday, you will be very close. Do not push her away when you need her the most. 

Becoming a mother will be so hard for you. Shortly after you find out you are pregnant, you will find out about your boyfriend's drug addiction. You cannot save him. You should know this ahead of time, or maybe no, you wouldn't have Makenzee if you would have known. Just know that you CAN do it on your own and you will. 

Let's talk about married Laura. I always say if i could change one thing, it would be to not have been dumb enough to be in such a controlling and emotionally abusive marriage, but I know without it, I wouldn't have Caleb, Connor and Keegan. One thing I would tell myself is to not settle on joint custody during the divorce just to escape. It will come back to get you in the future. Know that no matter how low someone makes you feel, you are always enough. 

Finally, current Laura. Gosh, what to tell myself at this point in life. It is complicated and difficult, but never forget how much love you are surrounded by. You have the love and support of the most amazing man in the world, you have 5 beautiful children and an amazing family. Keep on the path you are on, everything is working out amazing.